world’s strongest vagina crowned

Billy Elliot just wanted to dance. Rudy dreamed of playing college football. Jess Bhamra worked night and day to “Bend it Like Beckham” and Tatiata Kozhevnikova wanted to have the world’s strongest vagina. This week, her 42-year-old Russian dream became a reality when The Guinness Book of World Records gave her the title after she “lady gripped” almost 31 pounds of weights.

Jezebel informed us of this accomplishment, which comes after 15 years of training with vaginal weight balls. “You insert one of the balls in your vagina, and it has a string attached to it with a little hook at the very end. You fix a second ball onto this hook,” explains the champion. Possibly even more important than the title is that Kozhevnikova finally has something to talk about at cocktail parties.

staffy + rubber chicken + golden gate = awesome

Man-bracelet, for real. the survival strap

There’s never been a bracelet this hardcore. Made from military-issue 550 paracord,Survival Straps ($18-$25) are bracelets designed to help you in an emergency. With 15 to 20′ of cord used in each bracelet, you simply unravel it to instantly have a section of strong rope for any number of uses. (Just ask Bear how handy one of these things would be.) The Survival Straps come with a marine-grade stainless steel shackle (or an optional side-release plastic buckle) and are available in 30 different colors. Also available are lanyards, key fobs, watch straps, dog collars, and rifle slings. If you’re unlucky enough to have to use your Survival Strap, just send it back to the company, along with your disaster story, and they’ll braid it back to new for you, free of charge.

j.i.t.c.stuff: New Balance 920

You might not know it, but your footwear is lacking. Fortunately for you, New Balance has developed the 920 (U.S$94), a shoe so rad it could accurately be described as an orgasm — for your feet. The 920s include a water resistant topside, H2O Flow technology for quick draining, a quick-pull lacing system and a Vibram Razor-siping Outsole. The mere fact that you have no idea what that last thing is, is proof that you need these on your feet immediately

Chris? Are you listening?

Reader submission: Human Space Invaders

Trust me..  this is a work of genius.

Thanks Mike

the douche card

These are too great. Keep a couple Douche Cards (US$5/package of 25 cards) in your wallet, and the next time that dude cuts in front of you at Starbucks, hand him one. Too easy.

j.

Got candles?: Hotwicks.

Hotwicks (US$9) definitely aren’t your typical candles. With scents like beer, campfire, grass (as in lawn), new car, pancake, pigskin, stripper, popcorn, and the rather scrumptious sounding urinal cake, your place can smell exactly how you want it to. Just be careful with combinations. While beer + grass + pigskin = great gameday memories, beer + hippie + stripper + urinal cake + dryer sheet = that time when you and that weird guy at the airport used your layover in Chicago to get plastered at a strip club, passed out in the bathroom, missed your flight, drove 9 hours home, then tried to cover up the incriminating smell with dryer sheets you bought at the 7-Eleven two blocks from home. Good times.

The robots have arrived. so creepy, it’s err.. creepy.

Call me a nerd if you must, but I’ve been watching the progress of the “dog” series robots from Boston Dynamics for a while.

I now feel the time has come to share my fears with you all. Check this video out. Something happens about 35 seconds in that may give you the chills. Or.. if it doesn’t, it should.. I bring you.. “Big Dog”

 We all know about common male mistakes, and we’re all guilty of making them from time to time. Mistakes Men Make (US$11) is a guide to avoiding these chick-flick cliches, packed with tips and do’s and don’ts, covering everything from home decor to personal hygiene in a hilarious fashion. Written by About.com men’s fashion and grooming guru Daniel Billett, it’s sure to help you become more, well, mistake-less. Or somethingj.  

Flux Capacitor

Back to the Future fans, your day has arrived. The Back to the Future Flux Capacitor Replica (US$220) is a high-tech recreation of the heart of Doc Brown’s time machine, featuring full lighting effects and adjustable power settings. Each 16-inch by 12-inch replica also comes hand-numbered in a matching box, with a Certificate of Authenticity. DeLorean not included. j