Archive for the 'Quote Of The Day' Category

14
Sep

Quote of the day.

busy-lady.jpg
You know your missus has plenty to do when you hear this..

“You know, the last time I looked, it was this time… this morning….”
Bless her.
j.

05
Feb

Quote Of The Day. The Temptations

quote-of-the-day.jpg
jthm2small.gif
“I have no problem not listening to The Temptations, which is weird.”

20
Nov

Quote of the Day. Jimoen

quote-of-the-day.jpg
jthm2small.gif
“Watching your wife give birth for the first time, is like watching your favorite pub burn down.”
Jimoen.
j.

10
Nov

Quote Of The Day. 30 seconds.

quote-of-the-day.jpg
jthm2small.gif
“I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool. It was thirty seconds long. You know why? Because that’s the maximum amount of time you can depict youself having fun in an above-ground pool.”
j.

30
Oct

Quote of the day: midgets

quote-of-the-day.jpg
jthm2small.gif
“I wear v-neck shirts. My neck is so fragile man, I can’t wear a regular neck shirt, it hurts. And I especially hate turtle necks. Wearing a turtle neck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Like if you wear a turtle neck and a backpack it’s like a weak midget is trying to bring you down.”
j

04
Oct

Quote of the day. Kites.

quote-of-the-day.jpg
jthm2small.gif

I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don’t know why; that’s what they’re supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed. Imagine trying to fly a chair. You’d have to run like a motherfucker.
j.

14
Sep

quote-of-the-day.jpg
jthm2small.gif
Xylophone is spelled with an X. Thats wrong. Xylophone ZZZ X, I don’t fucking see it. Next time you spell Xylophone, use a Z and if someone says “Hey thats wrong!” say “……no it ain’t.” If you think that that’s wrong then you need to get your head Z-Rayed. It’s like X didn’t have enough to do so they had to promise it more. “Okay, you won’t start a lot of words, but you will have a co-starring role in Tic-Tac-Toe. And you will be equated with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And you will make writing ‘Christmas’ easier. And you will incidentally start ‘xylophone.’ Are you happy ya fucking X?”
j

07
Sep

Quote Of The Day: Cacti

quote-of-the-day.jpg
jthm2small.gif
“I saw an ad on TV for this thing you attach to a garden hose, it said “You can water your hard to reach plants with this product.” Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach? That just seems mean. I know you need water, but I’m gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully they will invent a product before you shrivel and die. Think like a cactus!”
j.

31
Aug

Quote Of The Day: Thursday. Hotels

quote-of-the-day.jpg
jthm2small.gif
“I got a lamp in my hotel room that has one of those 3-way lightbulbs in it. If you don’t know a lightbulb is a 3-way lightbulb, it messes with your head, because you go to turn it off and it just gets brighter. Like “Damn it, lightbulb, that’s the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do.” And then you turn it again and it gets brighter once more. “I will break you.”
j

22
Aug

Quote Of The Day: Tuesday. I have a fan..

quote-of-the-day.jpg
jthm2small.gif
“I have an oscillating fan at home; it looks like it’s saying ‘Noo…’ so I like to ask it questions that a fan would say ‘no’ to. “Do you keep my hair in place?” “Do you keep my documents in order?” “Do you have three settings?” Liar! My fan fuckin’ lied to me! Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain’t sayin’ shit!”
j




Blog Stats

  • 180,631 hits

Joshinthecity