If you ever needed proof….Thanks Zoe
Archive for November, 2007
I never claimed to be a grown-up.
Tags: boom crash opera
Great Wall.The Best Thing
Tags: Chrissy Amphlett, Divinyls, sleeping beauty.
Chrissy at her finest hour. A indication of the greatness of this Sydney band is it took me 30 minutes to decide which video to post here as a tribute. I could have filled a whole page with tracks you could sing along to, and that would take you back to your prime. To the fabulous Christina Amphlett.
Tags: dave dobbin, slice of heaven
I’m not sure who would win in an “unofficial anthem” contest. Our “Land Down-under” or this classic from our mate Dave.
How is it that you can just type the above into YouTube and find such a rare gem. I’m all about the interwebs.
Tags: gibson, gibson robot guitar, guitar, robot, tuning
If you play guitar, you want to see this.
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering something, because you’re sure as hell not picking anything up.
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their pants so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sport, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, lounges, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, singlets, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a hoodie, and a goose down parka. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. AFL games are okay. Nursing homes are better.
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a gun, a shovel, and a back-yard. Do not trifle with me.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.